Modesty

Something about Summer that bothers me every year, without fail, is MODESTY. So here's my little rant. If you think it's not for you, you're probably wrong. 

As a young Christian girl, modesty has been a topic of many conversations for me. Ever since I was little, my parents have been teaching me to dress in a way that is appropriate. I remember being taught in Junior High at youth group, that there is a such thing as an "immodest conversation," or an "immodest attitude," which I thought was strange at the time. Modesty is one of those terms that Christian girls hear all the time, and it quickly loses its strength and meaning with repetition. 

The bottom line is this: As a daughter of the most high King, you are called to dress differently than the world. 

Wearing revealing clothes, to church, to the beach, or to anywhere at all, majorly hurts your witness to those around you who are unsaved. The responsibility of maintaing modesty falls to two people: The woman who is wearing the clothes, and the man who cares for her. As a little girl, I can remember buying clothes with my mom and then coming home and trying them on for my dad. It was my fathers job to give the final thumbs up or thumbs down when we asked questions like, "Is this too tight?" or "Is is too short?" This might seem kind of stupid, I mean, after all, wasn't he seeing the same thing in the mirror that we were? The answer is a resounding NOOOOOOOOOO. Now that I am older, the responsibility of deciding which clothes are modest falls to my fiancé. He has stood outside of many dressing rooms as I consult him on clothing item after clothing item, just to make sure it's okay. So, why are men seeing something different in the mirror than women do? Think about it like this. If I try on a dress that has flowers on it, short sleeves, lace around the bottom, and is also rather short, what do I see? I see flowers, sleeves, and lace. What does a man see? He sees leg, and lots of it. Men's minds do not work the same way women's do, and this is especially true when it comes to clothing. This is why it is so important that not only Christian women pay attention to modesty, but that the men who care for them do as well. More simply put, if your man lets you show a lot of skin, he is not loving you to the best of his ability. As a man, he knows how the minds of other men work, and he allows you to dress immodestly anyway. It's like if you were walking around with a "kick me" sign on your back, and the person who is supposed to love you most does nothing about it. He knows that people can see it, and he knows what they are all thinking of you, and he just let's it happen. 

If I could write about this topic all day, I would. I'm sure I will write about again many times in the future; for now, this is my small collection of thoughts. 

Take it or leave it.

A Different Drummer

I grew up with a father who never allowed me to look down on anyone because they were different. As a child, whenever I criticized someone for being "weird," or "a freak" my dad would say, "If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears the beat of a different drummer. Let him march to the beat he hears, however measured or far away." Honestly, when I was a kid I thought my dad was just crazy. I was very embarrassed when he would utter this quote in front of my friends. Now, it all makes sense to me.

Everybody "does life" their own way. No two people look at the world and everything in it the same. No one should ever feel bad for being themselves, no one should ever feel guilty for who they are. Obviously there are some restrictions, rules of society, and biblical guidelines (for christians) that must be recognized. However, generally speaking, people should be free to live their way.

I am one of those people who can sit quietly in a room of strangers and just observe them, for hours. I do not feel awkward being in a group setting and being completely silent, just listening to those around me. Unfortunately sitting there silently often makes other people feel awkward, so I am forced to be social. It's not like I'm creepy, I just think people are very interesting. I like to hear what other people have to say, much more than I'd like to hear myself speak.

I guess you could say that I enjoy discovering which drummer's beat other people are hearing. Personally, I really don't know which drummer creates the beat I hear. All I know is that I enjoy finding people who's drummer beats similarly to mine. All of that to say, I "doe life" my way, and I don't care if other people do things differently.

Yes, and No.

I am at the point in my life where I have to make decisions, big ones. I hate making decisions. Even when I know exactly what I want, I still hate making the decision to do whatever it is. I don't like to be responsible for what happens to me, or to anyone else. If I make the decision, it's my fault if something goes wrong.

Perhaps I have made too many decisions that went wrong. Or perhaps, I made only one decision that went so terribly wrong that I have been traumatized from ever making a decision again. I really don't know.

Certainly my past should not effect my present, whatever decisions I have made in the past should stay there. After all, I am not the same person I was yesterday, let alone years ago, when I was a foolish child. Yet my past decisions do alter my present ones. Every "yes" I said then, echoes in every "no" I say now. I can't stand that about myself.

I would like people to think that the person I am now is a million miles a way from the person I used to be. I would like that to be true, though I cannot decide if it is.

Head, meet wall.

I don't know what's wrong with me, but for some reason I can't stop being an idiot sometimes. I hate myself when I'm stubborn and stupid. I don't like being selfish, I make myself sick. Even when I improve, it still doesn't go away. I am human, I am weak, I am sorry.

I'll probably delete this later

I created this blog assuming no one would ever read it....This is the place where I put my thoughts, my real, true, unedited opinions about the world around me. The things I write here are things I do not tell anyone. Not that they are necessarily bad or hurtful things, just things I have learned and realized for myself, not for anyone else. So, what's the point of putting them on a blog? Honestly, I really don't know. All I know is that I like the idea of putting my thoughts out there on the internet, it's a good way of letting go of all of them.

Most recently, I have learned this:

"Perfect" is a stupid word, reserved for delusional people and hopeless optimists who can't see their hand in front of their face. Anyone with any kind of realistic perspective on life knows that "perfect" isn't even a standard worth striving for. So don't think I ever expect anyone to be perfect, because I know better. I don't want to be treated perfectly, I just want to be treated well. What I really don't want is to be treated carelessly. I don't want to feel like an after-thought because people assume I will always be around. I have no problem leaving, suddenly, with no warning. I have done it before, I am not afraid to do it again. That being said, I don't plan on going anywhere, I just want to know that you're working to keep me here.

Sunshine is one of those things...

Things that are awesome right now:

1. My friends, and their amazing senses of humor. :-P

2. My boyfriend...not trying to be cheesy, it's just true.

3. The red-ish color of my hair.

4. The fact that summer is almost here.

5. My Creator, and the fact that His mercies are new every morning.

Fingers crossed...

I am just a person,
You are just a person,
We are all just doing our best,

I hope that you hope I'm legit,
Like I hope that you're not faking it,
We are all just doing what we can,

If I decide I have no enemies,
Does that mean I have no friends?
If I live strictly for that contrast,
Then where does it even end?

You are just a person,
I am just a person,
I hope we both are doing our best.