I am at the point in my life where I have to make decisions, big ones. I hate making decisions. Even when I know exactly what I want, I still hate making the decision to do whatever it is. I don't like to be responsible for what happens to me, or to anyone else. If I make the decision, it's my fault if something goes wrong.
Perhaps I have made too many decisions that went wrong. Or perhaps, I made only one decision that went so terribly wrong that I have been traumatized from ever making a decision again. I really don't know.
Certainly my past should not effect my present, whatever decisions I have made in the past should stay there. After all, I am not the same person I was yesterday, let alone years ago, when I was a foolish child. Yet my past decisions do alter my present ones. Every "yes" I said then, echoes in every "no" I say now. I can't stand that about myself.
I would like people to think that the person I am now is a million miles a way from the person I used to be. I would like that to be true, though I cannot decide if it is.
